is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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