): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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