I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
wow bdsm is so cute
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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