as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
