so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
