I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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