Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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