i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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