My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
