I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
