ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
