I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
