How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
