Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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