I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
