Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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