Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
