I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
