I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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