ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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