Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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