I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who wears a wallet chain?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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