Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
