Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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