I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
