Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
