I hate your face
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
