So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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