It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
