My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you had me at cake vodka
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
