The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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