rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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