I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
