Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
