did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
