put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
