so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
