At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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