Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
