So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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