Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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