finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want to make out with him forever
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
