yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
