We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
