Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
