I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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