How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
