I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
