I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
