I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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