Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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