We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
