Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I smell stomach acid.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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