your room smells of hookers.
And success
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
