Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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