hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
