based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My bed smells like the plague
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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