There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
