Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
