he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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