ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
