im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
