I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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