i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
