"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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