alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize