Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We left the knife in your bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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