Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
