if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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