Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
