The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
