i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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