normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
