Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
