woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
