i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
