I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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