Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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