There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
