when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
where are my eyebrows?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize