He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
