Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
