So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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