my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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