He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
