I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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