She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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