I didn't shave. On purpose
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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