Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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